Westerosi Spank Bank :: Male Edition

Game of Thones is epic. So epic, that I’m rereading the series while waiting for season four. With all this time on my hands, what’s a fangirl to do?

Time to do the top ten male hotties in Game of Thrones, my take.

This list will contain spoilers and theoretical spoilers. This is me proudly waving my nerd flag.

10- Roose Bolton

I love intelligence and Roose has that. So cold, he makes Antarctica look like the Amazon. Would love to see him in the middle of passion– would he be so chilly then?

Cons: Treacherous assmonkey and father of Ramsey Snow.

9  – Petyr Balish, Littlefinger

 Another misunderstood man in power, Petyr is the very essence of a seasoned courtier; knows what to say and (usually) when to say it.  And I do admire his attire.

Cons: Skeezy bastard. Wouldn’t know if he was calculating the worth of fucking or my death while in the midst.

8  – Brynden Tully, The Blackfish

Okay, officially the first good guy. Yes, an older guy, but such a man! He’s rough, tough, and knows exactly what to do. Watch the scene below. Notice how he takes command? Yeah, he can do that to me anytime.

Cons: Ummm, none? Other than risk Lannister/Frey wrath?

7  – Jamie Lannister

Ok, another baddie– but he’s turned good guy. He saved Brienne from rape, and then from a bear. She’s shown him that there are people out there who do care and brings an innocent perspective a jaded person would do well to reflect upon. Granted, he’s a fucking hottie when he’s all rawr. But once he loses that hand, with Brienne’s help, he becomes a better man. He opens up, and omg, they connect. Brienne is the antithesis of Cersei, who was the only other woman he connected with.  Think about it.

Cons- Okay, he fucked his sister on a regular basis, resulting in three bastards. And the whole Bran-pushing incident which sealed his place in the Infamous Literary Acts guild. But he did it for love. Awww, right? Right? Yeah. I know….

6  – Daario Naharis
He’s pure eye candy. Bring the Khaleesi the heads of men who wished her dead? That’s a thoughtful gesture.

Cons: Total wildcard.

5  – Ser Beric Dondarrion

There is something in that eye of his that… well, he’s a man of fairness, and aside from the missing eye and battle scars, he’s a good looking guy. This guy has been killed several times, yet arises again. Marathon humpathon!

Cons: Get it while it lasts– season four promises less of him after a certain point. And I’ll miss him and that voice.

4  – Ser Jorah Mormont

Exhiled knight-turned spy-turned smitten man… There’s just something about Jorah Mormont that makes me want to jump his bones and pretend I’m his Kahleesi.

Cons: Guy could use a good scrubbing and massage before getting him dirty again.

3  – Khal Drogo

The King of Badass. He’s doesn’t say a whole lot, but those looks, ermuhgerd, they smolter.

Cons: Not really into the living zombie thing. And the language barrier would be an issue.

But worth it.

2  –  Tyrion Lannister

My favorite Lannister, the intellectual and handsome, deft and well-spoken with a heart of gold (not from the Lannister mines, however. He’s too human to have that kind of gold.)

Cons: His family.

1  – Jon Snow

Jon Snow is my #1 hottie. Smoldering, intense, swoon-worthy.  Oh, ladies, Jon Snow knows a few things!

Cons: if you read A Dance With Dragons, you know that being Lord Commander is a bitch. But I’m sure he’s still around. Because I don’t know why there’d be a publicity photo of him on the Iron Throne (and none of Robb, Sansa, Arya, etc) if his storyline isn’t yet finished.

So there you have it, my own collection of naughty-thought fuel. Praise The Seven and the Old Gods, for the Casting department of HBO!

Who are your hotties?


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