An epic realization about 50 Shades of Grey or “Christian Grey Wants to Grudgefuck His Mom”

Jinkies, I’ve done it! I’ve cracked the nut.

50 Shades of Grey = Oedipus by Proxy

For those of you who have been spared classic Greek tragedies and the plethora of issues seemingly rife throughout each one, the story of Oedipus is about King Laius hears of a prophecy that his son will kill him. Fearing the prophecy, Laius pierces Oedipus’ feet and leaves him out to die, but a herdsman finds him and takes him away from Thebes. Oedipus, not knowing he was adopted, leaves home in fear of the same prophecy that he will kill his father and marry his mother. Laius, meanwhile, ventures out to find a solution to the Sphinx’s riddle. As prophesied, Oedipus crosses paths with Laius and this leads to a fight where Oedipus slays Laius and most of his guards. Oedipus then defeats the Sphinx by solving a mysterious riddle to become king. He marries the widow queen Jocasta not knowing she is his mother. A plague falls on the people of Thebes. Upon discovery of the truth, Oedipus blinds himself and Jocasta hangs herself. After Oedipus is no longer king, Oedipus’ sons kill each other.


So, how exactly is 50 Shades of Grey quagmired in classic Greek tragedy?


Christian Grey openly admits he prefers subs who resemble his “crack whore mother” i.e. brown hair, blue eyes. He beats them because he cannot beat his mother as punishment for leaving him as a child. Why else would he choose women to beat that bear a physical resemblance to his mother? Since she’s dead, he can’t take his anger out on her. So all those poor women who have the genetic misfortune of brown hair and blue eyes are taking the lumps for her; I’m convinced Grey hasn’t told his therapist about it, or else his “therapist” is a quack who is awesome at writing prescriptions for narcotics.

So, from my layman psychology POV, Christian Grey is trying to grudgefuck his mom. Necrophilia isn’t really an option, but taking his aggression on the unknowing is; that’s the essence of Christian Grey.

A modern day Greek tragedy. Instead of gouging his eyes out because he’s the picture of epic fail, he’s being touted as the most awesomest romancy-fancy pants there ever was to grace humanity.

That’s fucking depressing as all hell.


Thank you pop culture. Your taste in males sucks.



4 thoughts on “An epic realization about 50 Shades of Grey or “Christian Grey Wants to Grudgefuck His Mom”

  1. This has been discussed in a few places before. I don’t know how anyone could think it’s so sweet that Ana stayed around after finding our Ana looks for mothers-by-proxy to have sex with and beat. Want to make it worse? Christian breastfeeds on Ana after she gives birth. So he really does have her i the position of pseudo-mother he has sex with and abuses.

    • I don’t have a bias against breastmilk/foreplay… but knowing how he treats her gives it such an ugly dimension.

      This book series just keeps making me feel grossed out. How is that possible???

      • It’s combining the breastfeeding aspect with wanting to find women who look like his mom to have sex with that takes it from “your kind is not my kink” to incest-by-proxy. So the breastfeeding itself isn’t a big deal, but in conjunction with the rest…

        • I think I am feeling inspired to write another spitefic. This one, he will be in average looking guy working at Best Buy… Lives in his mom’s basement… He and Mom have a strange relationship. He can’t fight his mom back because she mentally neutered him, so he’ll take it out on the girl he dates. 15 of his exes come up missing. Number 16 will physically be his type, but mentally be an ass kicker.

          Horror show all the way.

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