Once upon a time on OKC.

My self-summary

INTP personality type, rawr.

I’m also long winded so please bear with me. That way you know what you’re actually getting into. I’m looking for a special brand of mayhem to pair with my mischief.

**RANTY DISCLAIMER OF IRKDOM AHEAD**
Quick note to menfolk: I’m looking for local guys, not 50+ miles away, sorry. Got a bias against long distance relationships. Please don’t message me about my looks (I’ll talk to you, sure. But you’ll be dismissed as someone who didn’t read this far) or ask for kik (don’t have it) or my cell number (sorry, been drunk-dialed too many times)… Let me get to know you and if I like, I’ll offer that sort of info when I’m comfortable doing so. If you offer it without me asking, I’ll ignore it unless you really charmed me beforehand. Complementing me on my saucy facial features right out the gate indicates a lack of reading about me, disregarding the opportunity of getting to know me, in lieu of focusing on something superficial. I get it– men are visual creatures, but that’s gotta be my number one pet peeve thus far. I don’t want to be somebody’s pretty plaything. Want to impress me? Show me your intellect. Sapiosexual here… talk nerdy to me. Stimulate my mind. That’s the “secret” to my personality. To sum it up, if someone cannot take the time to read through this single paragraph before hitting me up, then I won’t reply. Reading comprehension is a dying art, don’t you think? If this comes off sounding unreasonably bitchy, odds are we hold differing opinions regarding the importance of boundaries and probably wouldn’t get along anyhow.

Okay, rant is over. Let’s get to the meat and taters, shall we? Or hummus and pita, if that’s more your speed.

One could call me an enigma or amalgamation of creativity, oddness, a smidge of British Humor topped with a healthy sprinkling of Viking Shieldmaiden. I’m a fair shot with rifle, want to get back into archery. I was into that before Katniss made it cool.
Oh! It’s all about the historical documentaries. Love prehistory all the way up to Victorian times.

Can’t lie. My middle name should have been Random. Tend to wander off on tangents. Seriously.

I’m passionate about a lot of things– good beer, good food, good books, and knowledge. Gimme wisdom. In my youth, I read the encyclopedia for shits and giggles. I’m still like that. There’s a slightly ashamed part of me that admits Wikipedia is damn near my internet porn of choice.

That said, I have a very healthy appetite for science. If you don’t believe in evolution, you should probably pass on by. Willful ignorance is a huge peeve and a point of contention to me. I’m all grrr like that.

I gold pan and go sapphire hunting. There’s something coated in awesome sauce when one can find shiny things amidst dirt. Kinda want to get into lapidary, just so I can do something fancy with my finds.

Idea person– give me a thought and I’ll run with it. Might end up in a novel, suitably twisted to serve the story’s needs.

Creativity drives me. I’m artistic. Draw, silk paint, write. Have two published novels, and another one almost completed. Words and their order, plot, and the dark nooks and crannies of the human spirit are the rocket fuel for my endeavors.

I enjoy the beauty of mist-shrouded mountains, the song of wind through leaves.

Blunt and kinda aloof is how I tend to present myself, until I’ve warmed up to them. Then it’s full on snark-filled blunt. Frankly, life is too short to pussyfoot around. I’m not great at small talk– you want to know something, just ask. Snarky, sarcastic and fond of puns. Oh, how I love a good pun. Timing is everything, my friend.

Unrepentant BBW. I’m comfortable in my skin, and I’m okay with that.

So, enough of me being a special snowflake. Here’s what I’m hoping to find:

*Someone with a thirst for adventure and penchant for the outdoors/forest/ocean. Gardening is a huge bonus, and there’s bonus points to be had if this gent finds the concept of homesteading intriguing.

*Someone emotionally stable with a calm personality (doesn’t thrive on drama and bullshit) and without addictions to intoxicants. I don’t have a problem with alcohol or weed in moderation, but I can’t hang with tweakers, junkies, and fry babies who love trippin’ balls every moment they can. Having a beer after work, or wine with dinner isn’t a problem. Tipping back a cocktail before 8 am on a regular basis is a problem. I’ve seen family members commit passive suicide via alcohol, I have no intention of riding shotgun on that kind of ‘adventure,’ thank you very much.

*Someone who doesn’t mind me picking their brain for random knowledge and being utilized as a muse. I’ll ask questions and then question the answers given, because that’s how I roll. I love learning new stuff, and having someone impart knowledge on a regular basis is pretty fucking spiffy, and something I deeply appreciate (there are too many people fixated on inane thing rather than useful stuff. Celebrity gossip and sports pale compared to the advances of science or the nuances of music. This is actually a requirement upon second thought.

*Someone who understands the importance of communication, integrity, honor [ but not so much with the chivalry (just ask me why if you want to start a conversation) because historical connotations, yo. ] and respect. A wry, witty sense of humor will get you bonus points.

*Someone who enjoys documentaries on various subjects and whooping some ass playing Super Smash Bros Brawl and considers that a fun date night. A liking for Guinness is a bonus.

What I’m doing with my life

Raising my minions, penning novels, planning my future (off the grid homestead and agritourism spot) and pondering how one conquers the world?

I’m really good at

Arguing/debate, although I prefer discussion. Tendency to play Devil’s Advocate. Making pervy comments out of seemingly innocent phrases. Wordsmithing. Tie Dyeing. Reciting random facts at inopportune times (it’s a super power, I tells ya.) Making life an adventure.

Not putting up with shit or looking past behavior that doesn’t match with words.

I am a beastly sort.

Favorite books, movies, shows, music, and food

Books? I’ll make it short and sweet, listing the two authors I couldn’t get into: Ayn Rand and Tolkien… and the Tolkien contribution actually bums me out a bit.

Movies? I tend toward documentaries (esp historical stuff) or comedies. Like Cannibal the Musical– best of both worlds. Also have been known to break out in song at odd moments– a legacy of growing up watching MGM musicals.

Shows? How Its Made, GoT, Vikings, Horrible Histories, Outlander, Venture Bros, South Park, Robot Chicken, historical and anthropological documentaries. I, uh, have introduced my spawnlings to the old Dungeons and Dragon’s cartoon.

Music? Oh hell, there’s waaaaay too much to list here. So I’ll let YouTube do the talking for me. Each one of these songs represent a genre/artist I deeply enjoy.
Theme Song (Shieldmaiden Mode) https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=vEHHh8IBhpY

Theme Song (Frisky/Squirrelly Mode) https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=gQOtAkRCtuw

Theme Song (Singing in the Shower Mode)
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=l7AcYtEL5uc

Theme Song (Feeling Wordy Mode)
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=LmnYpwlSDRE

Theme Song (Take Me Back Mode)
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=9kSDO3uiaho

Food? I enjoy cheese, wine, crusty bread and strawberries. Not adverse to prime rib, either. Been known to grill whole turkeys and make jerky. Love Indian, Mexican, Japanese and Chinese cuisines.

The six things I could never do without

This is assuming basics are covered, as is family.

-Wide open spaces.
-Verdant forests.
-Music.
-A means to write.
-Good books.
-Soil beneath fingernails from working the earth.

I spend a lot of time thinking about

My future homestead. It’ll rock. My agritourism idea will take a lot of work, but I think the payout would be well worth it. Just saying, I love the Food Forest concept.

Science experiments to entice my minions into being curious about their world.

How different European history would be if Elizabeth Tudor spawned an heir… No Cromwell, Commonwealth, no Scots inheriting the throne, potentially no United Kingdom… just a fascinating thought.

How cool it’d be to backpack through Europe, hitting all sorts of random historical hotspots. I’ve got my bucket list of destinations.

What I’m going to use in my next jerky cure.

Various novel plotlines (ranging from the Viking-age inspired fantasy; a biblical vampire tale; a retelling of Celtic Mythos; my answer to FSoG and its ilk– a murder mystery featuring a mentally unstable billionaire; and a sequel to my first novel, but with a lot more foul language utilized in creative ways.

Why there’s a trend in publishing pushing abusive relationships as being desirable (I’ll just say this now: I hate Fifty Shades of Grey and how stalking, isolation, financial manipulation, verbal and physical abuse, rape, and general douchebaggery are cheered on by people who aren’t offended by the term “Greybies*” and lack reading comprehension on a grand scale. Yes, I will side-eye a professed fan of that series and make silent judgements about their character. I’m okay with this– I’ll work out my feels with spite-fiction. *deep breath* Ah, better) and how that stacks the deck trying to get published by the Big Six. How fucked up is it that our society is all, “yeah, stalk a chick after she told you to kick rocks cuz you’re creepy and get her drunk every time before you have sex. Cuz that’s tru wuv.” Shrudder. Ok, done.

* Greybies (noun) ~ Infants being the result of delusion in the belief that fictional character, Christian “I’m related to King Joffery” Grey, would be a wonderful father because he’s hot and wealthy.

On a typical Friday night I am

Depends if the kids are at home or at their father’s for the weekend.

With kids: ‘ello Netflix.
Without kids: ‘ello bottle of wine and multi-part documentary.

You should message me if

You want to join me in a “SHIELD WALL!” and if you get the reference, bonus points to you, my friend.

You like random conversation.

You have an interest in permaculture/gardening/homesteading.

You like quirky people.

You read through this and despite my rambling and oft-times obnoxious word meanderings, kinda sorta want to hear more. I’m sure I’ve given a curious fellow enough conversation fodder.

You like astronomy, history, geology, paleohistory, anthropology, ancient cultures (but not Ancient Aliens) and Firefly.

Because Firefly rocks and I want to be a Browncoat when I grow up, dammit.

You think this is hilarious:
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=uuZsueUBvdU